


The Many Ways Kaiba Pulled Jou's Pigtails

by Miss_Katrina



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh!
Genre: Crack, Fluff, M/M, Pigtail Pulling
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-12-03
Updated: 2012-12-02
Packaged: 2017-11-20 03:52:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/581023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Katrina/pseuds/Miss_Katrina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So, this is the result of a crack bunny that pounced. Basically, a series of pranks that Kaiba pulls on Jou via his duel disc.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The First Prank.

It started when Jounouchi made a bet with Honda that he couldn't go a month without yelling at Kaiba. Jou being Jou, he determined that the best (perhaps only) way of doing this was to simply avoid any interaction with Kaiba at all. It was summer break, after all; since they weren't in school, avoiding Kaiba and all things Kaiba shouldn't be that big a task.

Kaiba, being Kaiba, knew none of this. All he knew was that suddenly Jou was not around to tease and make get flustered and color and snap. (Teasing puppies was the best way to play with them, as far as he was concerned.)

This was unacceptable. However, it would not do to actually seek his puppy out, since that would mean revealing that he actually desired the Puppy's presence. 

And so he began his campaign to force the puppy to stop ignoring him and avoiding him, and get him to come back home. 

As it were. 

Well, if the puppy wasn't going to show up to be teased, and Kaiba couldn't go and find him, then the puppy teasing would have to go through some intermediary--but it still had to come from him, clearly. No messenger. Otogi's dressing HIS PUPPY in a dog suit had been quite enough,  _thank you very much._

_  
_However, there was still a backdoor programmed into each and every one of the duel disc systems for security, and they were still rigged for remote surveilance whenever turned on, and so, Kaiba decided, they provided the best option for recreational remote puppy teasing.

The first little bit of hacking was fairly subtle--it took the rest of the gang the better part of a duel to figure out why Jou kept going purple and yelling about Kaiba every time he played a card--until Yugi finally broke down and asked Yami what he was sniggering about. At which point he pointed out that the standard sound for placing a card on the field had been replaced (for Jou at least) with a single puppy bark.

In the end, Jou's opponent wound up surrendering out of sheer pants-wetting terror of Jou's vicious fury which, lacking a better outlet, he was taking out on said opponent.

(a thorough examination after the duel showed definitively that there was no mute button anywhere that they could find. Jou snarled and grumbled _all day._ ) 


	2. The First Emails

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, this is going in an odd direction, and one I had not anticipated.

After three days of the barking, Jou had had enough. He refused to break down and lose the bet, but he did have one other option (though if Honda ever found out, he'd probably declare that it constituted losing): the Duelist Network. Designed by Kaiba as a way for competitors in the Battle City tournement to network and coordinate meeting times, duels and trades, it actually provided a messaging service--though, for obvious reasons, only the top duelists could actually message Kaiba himself.

(Actually, no one was supposed to be able to message Kaiba, but Mokuba felt that his brother reaalllly needed to socialize a little bit more, and he changed it so that certain top duelists could send messages to his brother...via Mokuba, provided he marked them as 'not spam.' Jounouchi was in fact one of the finalists in battle city, so he passed all the automatic filters).

Thus it was that Mokuba found the following message for his brother waiting for him when he woke up one Wednesday morning:

OI MONEYBAGS, YOU BASTARD, I AM NOT A FUCKING DOG. SO STOP WITH THE JOKES! I DON'T KNOW WHY THE FUCK YOU FEEL THE NEED TO SEEK ME OUT TO INSULT ME WHEN I HAVEN'T SAID ANYTHING TO YOU IN DAYS, BUT I KNOW IT WAS YOU WHO SCREWED WITH MY DUEL DISC. FIX IT YOU BASTARD OR I SWEAR I WILL SMASH YOUR PRETTY FACE IN WHEN I SEE YOU NEXT.

Mokuba blinked. He knew that his brother had been getting frustrated about Jou's seeming avoidance of him, but really? Messing with Jou's duel disc? What had his brother even done?  
Well, at least it seemed to have elicited the desired response. Smirking, he pointedly forwarded the message to his brother, with the subject "Something you wanted to tell me? ;)"

Mokuba never recieved a response from his brother, but the next time he tried to log into the monitoring-Seto's-messages account, he found he was locked out.

Jounouchi, however, found the following response in his inbox the following day:

Really, Puppy, I have no idea what you are talking about. Perhaps your fleas have gotten into the duel disc and contaminated the workings?

The librarian was not impressed with Jou's explanation of why he uttered an ear-splitting roar of "KAIBAAAAAA!!!" during library hours. It did not help that he was nearly incoherent with rage. 


	3. The Second Prank

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaiba decides to get more overt.

Four days after Jounouchi was thrown out of the library for screaming, Kaiba gleefully unveiled his next prank. Watching the havoc unfold via satellite monitoring of the duels was  _fun,_ and leant a bit of light and novelty to his otherwise monotonous days. Also, by imagining his puppy shouting at the most annoying of the people he had to work with and be polite to, he got to vicariously work off his frustrations. 

(Actually, he was working on a program that would create a virtual Jou that would yell and rant and be furious about the idiots he had to deal with--there was something extremely satisfying about setting his puppy on the pompous self-important morons and watching them cower before his rage. He was mostly using old data from the VR game they had been trapped in for component parts, and it was coming together fairly well.)

So, when Kaiba walked out of a really interminable meeting feeling like he wanted to strangle someone for incompetence and then smack everyone else for general idiocy, he decided that now was the best time to employ his newest modification. He had worked hard on it: the golden retreiver puppy was adorable and fluffy, with a little collar that even had a tag saying "property of Kaiba Corp," and moved totally authentically; he was considering using it as a prototype for a series of fake pets to release to the public, or at least adding them as a subroutine to one of the VR games. 

It also materialized every time that Jounouchi activated his duel disc, and alternated between prancing merrily about his feet, sitting next to him, and hunting his shoelaces. 

This was rather interesting, because it resulted in Jounouchi being completely stymied for approximately 30 seconds. On the one hand, the puppy was absolutely adorable, and he wanted to cuddle it and coo; on the other hand, he wanted to roar in impotent fury and rant about not being a dog. In the end, he decided to do nothing, and pointedly ignored the frolicking puppy for the entire duel. 

Kaiba was disappointed. He might have been less so had he known that Jou reactivated his duel disc that evening in his room, before he went to bed, and spent a good 45 minutes playing with the virtual puppy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm not quite sure where this is going, or how. To be clear, I've not really done this before, and I have absolutely no experience writing these types of characters or this type of relationship. I have never written anything in this fandom before. BE AFRAID. And give my friend cookies, because she requested this, and without her it would never have gone beyond the me coming up with funny ideas stage (I'm good at that part.)


	4. The Second Emails

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The communication continues

The next morning, Kaiba was rather bemused by the tone of the message in his inbox:

> What the fuck, Kaiba? I AM NOT A DOG. I have no idea what the fuck you think you're doing, or why, but...Damn, moneybags, that puppy is cute. Are you screwing with me? Because seriously, that seems more like a present than an insult. And since when am I property of Kaiba Corp? 
> 
> I don't get it. What's in this for you? 
> 
> I mean. DAMNIT I AM NOT A DOG FUCK YOU MONEYBAGS. 
> 
> (But thanks for the puppy. I named him Kingyo.)

Kaiba's reactions to the message, in order, were:  _That's...oddly polite. and personable. and...friendly?_ Followed quickly by _I pleased the puppy! He likes it!_ And then, inexorably, the inevitable third thought: _Who the hell names a puppy 'goldfish'?_

Three hours of sitting at his desk and staring blankly at his laptop screen later, Kaiba finally managed to put together a response. 

> If the shoe fits, Puppy. I am pleased that you enjoyed the hologram; this gives me hope that it will succeed admirably in the intended 3-5 year old demographic. 
> 
> As for why...really, Pup, you are so amusing when riled, it's like watching a pomeranian yap at a great dane. 

Jou's response was short, but managed to be even more confusing: 

> YOU. UTTER. DICK. I AM NOT A 5-year-old! NOT ALL OF US CAN BE BILLIONAIRE SUPERGENIUSES!
> 
> Also: NO THE SHOE DOES NOT FIT I WILL NOT MARRY YOU EW EW EW WHAT THE FUCK. 

_What the...? Where did he get the idea of marriage from?!_

Ten seconds later, another thought:  _The puppy thinks I'm a supergenius!_

> What the Hell, Mutt? What are you talking about? I never said anything about marriage!
> 
> -Kaiba

Despite checking his messages many times over the course of the day, it wasn't until almost 4:00 that Kaiba received an explanation of the marriage comment:

> SHOES, moneybags, you moron! Cinderella? If the shoe fits? DO YOU SERIOUSLY NOT GET THE REFERENCE YOU MADE?
> 
> -Jounouchi

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know that the saying "if the shoe fits" isn't actually a reference to Cinderella, but I used to think it was, and I figured it was funny enough that I wanted to leave it in. I almost quoted Grimm--"the shoe's not too tight/this bride is right"--but decided that that was stretching the bounds of credibility.


End file.
